30 Not Out

So it's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be 30 years old. To be honest, I never thought I'd make it this far, too many stupid, drunken, risky decisions as a teenager and student. But I somehow always managed to come out of it smelling of roses and stumbled through a series of tricky, sometimes dangerous situations. And here I am.

And just lately I've been thinking quite a lot about where exactly that is. I'm 30 years old. I'm single. I've never had a proper relationship. Most people I consider friends don't even know it's my birthday tomorrow (for many years a lot of people didn't even know my surname, I was just 'Sara'.) And in a couple of months I'll be out of a job during the worst economic crisis the world has ever seen. I find myself waking up in the morning and wondering what the bloody hell I'm doing, where am I going and what's the point of it all.

I think about those questions a lot. I've had discussions about them with far off 'friends', sometimes even strangers. And however negative and depressing and self-pitying this sounds, it's actually not. I'm 30 years old but everybody says I don't look it, I certainly don't act it. I'm young, free and single (and a terrible flirt!) I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I choose! I'm headstrong and independent. The world is my oyster.

I have friends all over the country and all over the world and over the years these have been whittled down to the ones that understand me. They know they're only going to get a phone call or an email once every 6 months, they know they won't get a birthday card, they're aware of the fact I just may turn up in their town one day and send them a text telling them to put the kettle on. And they accept it. They know that's me. I don't have any hangers on. All of the people I currently consider my friends are true friends no matter how infrequently we speak. They will be my friends for life. And just recently I've started to realise the importance of these people - Gina, Em, Mike, Miggy, Tom, Davies, Jodie, Chris, Dan, Steve, Tony and a few more. Friends are good, I know that now. (I'm normally a fairly quick learner but this seems to have taken me a while - better late than never though.)

As for the rest of it, I love my life. At times it's not been easy, the early years were difficult. But the way I look at it, everything I have ever done, everything that has happened to me, everybody I've met and every experience I have ever had, good and bad, has led me to where I am now, to this very point in time and made me the person I am today. And I have to say it all feels pretty good. 2008 has been a difficult year, the most stressful I've ever had in fact. But I'll be leaving 2008 as a better person. I've been coasting for far too long, never really challenging myself, and now a convergence of events has given me the kick up the backside I need.

Tomorrow feels like the start of a whole new life. 2009 is completely unknown and my life is going to change dramatically, but I have the opportunity to make it one of the best years ever. I could wake up tomorrow and change anything or everything, the same as anybody can any time they want to. The first day of the rest of your life is probably a good time to do that obviously, though I wonder if you have to do it first to realise it's the first day of the rest of your life. Hmm, I'll have to ponder on that one... a chicken and egg scenario by the look of it.

And there we have it, my reflection on the first 30 years - in short, it was brilliant. (God that sounds weird saying that; 30. And I know some of you are feeling really old now, I met a lot of people who read this blog back when I was a teenager!) I'm really looking forward to the next 30, I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about next year. So many opportunities, so many things I want to do - and there's really nothing stopping me. Nothing at all. You can't see it but I have a cheeky smile on my face at the mere thought of the possibilities.

Tomorrow is a whole new world and I can't wait to go and enjoy it with you all!